One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
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