On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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