If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
