Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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