she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
