Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
