There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
