The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
