you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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