Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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