I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
It's Friday. Sex?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
It's blow job season.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
