I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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