my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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