I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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