ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
