I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
