I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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