OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i would punch a child for taco bell
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
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