I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
