we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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