I want to stick my p in your. b.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
