im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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