You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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