May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
The power of my boobs compel you
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
