the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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