her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
