the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
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