Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
