Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
