you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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