dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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