there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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