I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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