You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
NoShamevember. You game?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
