marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
