I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
