Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
