We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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