why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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