How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
