Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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