ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
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She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
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after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
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