I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
