Someone shit on the floor
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
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