he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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