yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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