my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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