His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize