if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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