i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
