I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
