i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
