i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
