You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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