I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
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It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Sorry my hands just texted you
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
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I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize