My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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