When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
