I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
