Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
