are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
