i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Define "chronic" masturbator.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
