dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
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