My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
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