Already got asked if we're dating
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
