Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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