this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
well you can't waste a boner
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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