the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
