2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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