Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
