Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
It's rum buckets o'clock
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
