I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
