Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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