And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
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There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
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I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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