Who wears a wallet chain?!
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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