I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Randomize
