Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
