the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
